A dear friend gave me an excellent book recently – have you read ‘Daring Greatly – How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead‘ (link to Amazon.com)? The book is by Brene Brown, a New York Times bestseller and a Ted Talks sensation. Within her book she offers loads of great information and advice on how to deal with vulnerability. She helps the reader deal with feeling uncertain and exposed.
Rather than approach vulnerability as a weakness, Dr Brown explains that ‘vulnerability is in fact a strength, and when we shut ourselves off from revealing our true selves we grow distanced from the things that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.’
Towards the end of the book I came a cross the engaged feedback checklist that Dr Brown offers. The checklist is for situations when we need to engage with another person over an issue and truly want the best outcome. Looking back at my previous corporate days I recall an attitude of ‘do it my way or hit the highway.’ After reading Dr Brown’s book I now realize that my approach caused more harm than good!
Anyway, I highly recommend the book, Daring Greatly, if you’re into self development and want more out of life. Below is the Engaged Feedback Checklist. Perhaps next time you have to have an potentially heated discussion, print this out and use it as a guide.
Engaged Feedback Checklist
I know I’m ready to give feedback when:
- I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you.
- I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you).
- I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I man not fully understand the issue.
- I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes.
- I recognise your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges.
- I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you.
- I’m willing to own my part.
- I can genuinely thank you for you efforts rather than criticize you for your failings.
- I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your growth and opportunity.
- I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you.
For more information on Brene Brown and her book, Daring Greatly, visit her website here: http://brenebrown.com